Work in Progress
My name is Chantal, I am 22 years old. I was diagnosed with MS in June of this year. My first attack was on New Years morning. After a night of celebrating the new year with my friends, I woke up the morning after completely numb from the waist down. That was definately not the way I pictured starting off 2012!
After that, it was the usual with a lot of our stories. Appointments followed, testing & worrying of what is happening to your body while thinking of the worse case scenario.
Since my diagnosis, I have been such a medley (for lack of a better word) of emotions. Some days I feel like I am going to be okay & this is just the process & direction my life was meant to take. Then of course I have those self-pitying days & I am depressed. I wonder why this is happening to me & then I feel guilty because I know there are other people suffering with worse things.
The worse days are when I am angry. Angry with everything & everyone. I find that taking my needles is a big part of my moodiness. They are a reminder everyday that something is wrong with me. I feel bad when I take out how unhappy I am on my husband or others who I care about. Although the people in my life are supportive, I know they don't really know what this is like & that causes me to feel very alone some days.
I am just going with the flow of emotions right now because I think that is just a part of any major change in life. I am taking steps to manage stress & anxiety more effectively. I know there is not an overnight solution for these feelings & I know it will always be a journey in dealing with the unpredictableness of a disease such as MS. I am trying to stay positive when I can.
I feel like I am a work in progress & hoping that I will reach a point someday where I am in a good place emotionally & continue to be a strong person that my friends & family can depend on.
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