"Being Entirely Honest With Oneself..."
by Allison Liccardi
"...is a Good Exercise.” - Sigmund Freud
had always imagined that I would have 8 or 9 children running amongst fields and over wires, following the husband that I would love and I to church. There would be braids and dresses, ties and toys, crying and teaching. I can still smell that wonderful smell of a freshly opened pack of pampers and the peculiar smell of an infants skin.
I remember lying my daughters against my chest during times of fear under the assumption that their innocence would protect me. I had preferred more boys than girls and yet was blessed with my first two children being female.
Now I sit here at 26, unmarried, and longing for a family while I write down an appointment to get surgery preventing me from bearing children. I want more children, I want a family, a large family.
Then questions and pleads from my doctors kick in. We do not know if Multiple Sclerosis is hereditary and even more importantly what if you are in a wheel chair at 28, God forbid of course.
All of these naps and the unbearable pain, I do not really have a choice, outside of selfish reasoning. This was the third time I have signed the paperwork and yet I still am not ready. So why do it? I am not prepared to sign my will over to a satan born demon, no that is not acceptable to me and yet what if...
I suppose I do not have a choice, not if I have a soul...It isn't fair to the children that I have or to the children that I would have. This is sickening and yet of course there is always worse that somebody is facing at this second. So I count my blessings...
Click here to read or post comments
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Allison's Life in Spite of MS~Space.
"Life in Spite of MS is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. We're also part of the Ebay Partner Network, another affiliate program."
We'd also like you to know it doesn't cost one cent more when you click through the links here on our blog. Not one single penny. And we will make a little extra cash when you do click through. We'll be ever so appreciative. You also have our word that we'll only link to things that we would use ourselves, (or wish we could have or use).
Cir & Akrista
You are reading original content written by Akrista or Cir L'Bert of Life in Spite of MS. If you enjoyed reading this blog, please consider following us on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram. See you there!