"Being Entirely Honest With Oneself..."

by Allison Liccardi
(Missouri, USA)

"...is a Good Exercise.” - Sigmund Freud

had always imagined that I would have 8 or 9 children running amongst fields and over wires, following the husband that I would love and I to church. There would be braids and dresses, ties and toys, crying and teaching. I can still smell that wonderful smell of a freshly opened pack of pampers and the peculiar smell of an infants skin.

I remember lying my daughters against my chest during times of fear under the assumption that their innocence would protect me. I had preferred more boys than girls and yet was blessed with my first two children being female.

Now I sit here at 26, unmarried, and longing for a family while I write down an appointment to get surgery preventing me from bearing children. I want more children, I want a family, a large family.

Then questions and pleads from my doctors kick in. We do not know if Multiple Sclerosis is hereditary and even more importantly what if you are in a wheel chair at 28, God forbid of course.

All of these naps and the unbearable pain, I do not really have a choice, outside of selfish reasoning. This was the third time I have signed the paperwork and yet I still am not ready. So why do it? I am not prepared to sign my will over to a satan born demon, no that is not acceptable to me and yet what if...

I suppose I do not have a choice, not if I have a soul...It isn't fair to the children that I have or to the children that I would have. This is sickening and yet of course there is always worse that somebody is facing at this second. So I count my blessings...

Click here to read or post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Allison's Life in Spite of MS~Space.

Privacy Policy ~ Advertising Policy ~ DisclaimerContact Us ~ About Us