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Agent Anonymous

My journey has been long and arduous. I am hanging in there, though. It takes every ounce of my inner strength to get through each day.

I have been challenged in every way, including my faith. It seems there are so many mistruths out there that I am shaken to the very core. It's wrecking everything I always believed to be true. I try to sort it all out, but all that results is confusion. I just wish the truth would be revealed.

I don't have insurance, and I cannot work because I'm constantly getting sick. I never know from one day to the next what my day will be like, so working a normal job is completely out of the question.

I self-diagnosed my MS. I was rushed to the ER and discharged with peripheral neuropathy. I still have that, but it got worse. My vision started deteriorating rapidly, I would lose my balance and sometimes fall. I would briefly lose consciousness which put me at extreme risk for driving.

Try going through all this while going through a divorce. Presently, I'm too sick to get it finalized by the Judge. Even if I could, I'd have to stay with my ex because I have no options and I cannot work at all. Even working from home on the computer is impossible.

I am that sick, yes! I get maybe one good day every few days. The rest of

the time I am too weak to even get out of bed. I usually have zero to little appetite. I barely can eat enough to stay alive.

All of my life I have taken care of others. Now I can barely take care of myself. It's so frustrating.

Surprisingly, I am not depressed. My sense of humor is perfectly intact. I generally have a great attitude, despite this illness.

I got to the point I did not trust doctors at all. They kept wanting to draw my blood, and each time it caused me excruciating pain and left me black and blue for weeks. I will not go to the doctor anymore because every diagnosis was inaccurate.

Without insurance, I got stuck with approximately $10,000 of debt with no way to pay for it. I went from a credit score of 814 to bankruptcy within 11 months, which I cannot file for because I'm too sick to handle the details.

Probably the worst thing about being in this situation is not being able to be on my own. I've always been fiercely independent, so I am justifiably angry about not being able to move on with my life. I feel trapped! This makes me angry, when I am normally a very happy-go-lucky person.

I hope this is 300 words. I cannot find word count right now. I have enough on my platter. I hope my two cents helps. Be well.

Comments for Agent Anonymous

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Jan 04, 2020
Thank You for Sharing
by: Akrista

Dear Agent Anonymous,
Thanks so much for your heartfelt submission. Although it does little to change your situation, I just wanted you to know that I hear you and can relate to many of your concerns on behalf of my husband.

The fact that you were able to express how you feel about what you are going through is a great starting point to getting help, which I hope you eventually will be able to accomplish.

One thing I'd like to suggest is that you contact your local MS Society and talk to them about finding a neurologist that can get you diagnosed. I know that money may be an issue, and I would encourage you to talk to them about that challenge as well.

The more open and transparent you can be about your situation the better. I don't know your whole situation, obviously, however, the MS Society may be able to help steer you to the resources that may be the most helpful.

If you need durable medical equipment (DME) and are not able to pay for it, ask them about their MS Loan Closet.

I apologize in advance if the suggestions I've given do little to improve your situation, and I wish to thank you again, for being willing to share your story with us. Hopefully others out there will be able to offer helpful information or at the very least, an understanding shoulder to lean on and know that you are not alone.

One thing I noticed is that you still have your sense of humor, which is the one thing that many MSers have that helps them to make it through the hard days.

I do hope things will get better and if you end up in the ER again, insist on an MRI and a neurologist consult. Share your complete symptom and medical history - make them listen. If you can, don't leave without a diagnosis,
because you can't get treated without one, unfortunately.

I hope you can develop some sort of support system of people around you as well. Even though you have been independent all of your life, a group of supportive family or friends will help immensely. If family or friends are not available, the MS Society may be able to connect you with someone you can talk through everything you are experiencing.

Take care,

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