My journey has been long and arduous. I am hanging in there, though. It takes every ounce of my inner strength to get through each day.
I have been challenged in every way, including my faith. It seems there are so many mistruths out there that I am shaken to the very core. It's wrecking everything I always believed to be true. I try to sort it all out, but all that results is confusion. I just wish the truth would be revealed.
I don't have insurance, and I cannot work because I'm constantly getting sick. I never know from one day to the next what my day will be like, so working a normal job is completely out of the question.
I self-diagnosed my MS. I was rushed to the ER and discharged with peripheral neuropathy. I still have that, but it got worse. My vision started deteriorating rapidly, I would lose my balance and sometimes fall. I would briefly lose consciousness which put me at extreme risk for driving.
Try going through all this while going through a divorce. Presently, I'm too sick to get it finalized by the Judge. Even if I could, I'd have to stay with my ex because I have no options and I cannot work at all. Even working from home on the computer is impossible.
I am that sick, yes! I get maybe one good day every few days. The rest of
the time I am too weak to even get out of bed. I usually have zero to little appetite. I barely can eat enough to stay alive.
All of my life I have taken care of others. Now I can barely take care of myself. It's so frustrating.
Surprisingly, I am not depressed. My sense of humor is perfectly intact. I generally have a great attitude, despite this illness.
I got to the point I did not trust doctors at all. They kept wanting to draw my blood, and each time it caused me excruciating pain and left me black and blue for weeks. I will not go to the doctor anymore because every diagnosis was inaccurate.
Without insurance, I got stuck with approximately $10,000 of debt with no way to pay for it. I went from a credit score of 814 to bankruptcy within 11 months, which I cannot file for because I'm too sick to handle the details.
Probably the worst thing about being in this situation is not being able to be on my own. I've always been fiercely independent, so I am justifiably angry about not being able to move on with my life. I feel trapped! This makes me angry, when I am normally a very happy-go-lucky person.
I hope this is 300 words. I cannot find word count right now. I have enough on my platter. I hope my two cents helps. Be well.